Spoiled milk

Being a mom is hard.
Being a dad is hard.
Being a parent is tough.

I started this post because we forgot to put the milk away overnight and it spoiled... 10 oz of liquid gold.

Struggling with post partum depression is downright awful. A flex of emotions and hormones that you can't control while trying to find a new normal is what you face with ppd. I hate not having control and not being able to shake this feeling.

I'm struggling with it and it is a dark and lonely place that no one seems to understand. It is the first time in my life, I have hated feminism. I feel that I was lied to about being able to have it all because that feels impossible. I feel like as a wife, mother, friend, employee, and active member of my church that I am doing none of these things well at all or barely keeping my head above water. I'm stretched so far, I can't enjoy all the awesome things in my life. My house is a mess. I'm constantly late for something. I haven't been on a date in 3 months and don't even get me started about sex... when we do have time, I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant again that I can't even enjoy it. I weigh more now than when I was pregnant because I'm eating through the depression. I constantly struggle with making enough milk. I know it would be better for my health and family if I worked less but I don't want to because I love my job. I don't enjoy going to church any more because a loud infant and turning to nurse, keep him quiet, etc. seems to scare the spirit away. Friends? Who has time?

I love Owen. My son is my world and his father is too. There are so many incredible accomplishments in my life that I can look at and know I am blessed that I have felt guilty for being depressed. I wanted to be a mom so bad and after struggling for 3 years with infertility can't seem to understand why I can't just be happy with the joy I am finally blessed with. Why can't I accept happiness?

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One
- My family is  healthy
- We own our home
- Anthony and I paid off our debt
- I have a great job that I love
- Owen has been exclusively breastfed for 6 months
- I was able to deliver Owen naturally at home

Each day is a new opportunity to establish my new identity and new normal. I am Anthony's wife, Owen's mom, and Autoline's employee but before all of that, I am Danielle.