How can time be flying so fast and my baby be learning and growing so quickly!?! This little goober is a mess. He's into everything and advancing so fast. It is wild to watch him change and grow before our eyes and I am so very blessed and proud to be Owen's mother. He's a great kid and Anthony loves the bond that they share as well.
He's trying to take steps but gets bored with it and resorts to crawling because he is faster at that.
Skills
Says "da da", "ma ma", "dough-gee" and "no"
Stands up and holding onto things
Opens drawers and cupboards
Bobs his head to music and shakes his arms to dance
Mimics expressions and hand signals
Signs more and milk
Drinks from a straw
Sleeping through the night (master at 10.5 months)
Likes
The Dogs
Music/Noise
Mom
Dad
Crawling
Swimming Pools
Dislikes
New tunnel from IKEA - finds it terrifying
Sitting still
Falling
Baby Gates
Power Plug Protectors (he plugs them out of the sockets... rendering them a waste of time and money)
Well, it appears that I'm in the minority among some of my friends, family, and the U.S. as a whole. I may be close to alone. But Anthony and I stand together for Owen, because we want him to have choices and all the options available to him that life has to offer. That is why I am an Intactivist.
What is an Intactivist? An Intactivist is a supporter of a man's right to choose what is done with his penis in regards to circumcision and the foreskin.
I originally thought I would have a circumcised son because it was what I'd always known. Anthony, though, had heard vague but upsetting things and was hesitant, prompting me to educate myself. I am so glad I did, because I know I would have regrets today had I made a decision to have my son's genitals altered without his consent. It is not my choice or my body, and I don't want to harm my baby.
Here are some questions I have for people that support circumcision.
1. How can anyone be pro-choice and not be an Intactivist?
If you believe that a woman has the right to choose what is done with her body in regards to procreation or lack there of, can you not respect or demand the same for men. Female genital mutilation, or female circumcision, was just recently outlawed in Nigeria. Female circumcision in many areas of the world includes the removal of the clitoris or any external female genitals, which is equivalent to the foreskin.
2. Are we not born perfect?
Birth is an incredible experience (just see Owen's)! After something so incredibly miraculous, how could you hand over your perfect baby to be physically altered a few hours later?
This reminds me of a funny story, and you are reading my blog so I'm going to share it. I was in a very large formal wedding in St. Louis, MO when I was five years old. Before the wedding, my grandma took me to get my hair done at a fancy salon while my brother was being circumcised for the 2nd time (because the foreskin grew back). When the ladies at the salon asked me about where my brother was, I responded sharply, "He's having his penis cut off right now."
My grandma was mortified and embarrassed, going on to explain to all the women about his circumcision, but I guess even then I sort of understood things, although it took research and a heart-to-heart with my partner to wrap my head around leaving our son intact. We are born perfect. Period.
3. Are we really so lazy or timid that we'll cut off parts of our children instead of teaching them healthy habits?
The American Academy of Pediatrics says that routine circumcision is not universally endorsed, but it is beneficial in reducing the spread of STDs, HIV/AIDs, etc. A foreskin does not lead to more disease or a greater spread of disease, unprotected sex and sex in a non-monogamous relationship lead to increased likelihood of the spread of STDs, HIV/AIDs, etc. The foreskin makes the penis more sensitive than a circumcised penis, so intact men are more likely to wear condoms than circumcised men, because intact men have better stimulation and an easier time reaching climax with a condom on. Bottom line: responsible sexual habits (here's hoping for abstinence!) prevent STDs, not circumcision.
Intact penises should be washed with water and treated like a finger (no retraction necessary) and when a baby becomes a man (teenage years), the foreskin will naturally retract so that the glans can be washed. Water only, no soap. That simple.
4. What aesthetics do genitals need?
It is odd to me how many people bring up looks when it comes to the foreskin. How bizarre that we have a notion or idea of how the penis should look, yet this area is considered 'privates.' I want my son to enjoy sex, being in a locker room, etc., but if someone else is commenting on the appearance of his genitals, then I have to wonder what is wrong with that person.
5. Why does a son's penis have to match his father's?
Someone told me, "your son's penis should match his dad's." WHAT? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard but believe it or not, I originally thought the same thing. I thought, I would hate for my son to feel like he looked different, but he is different. His life and experiences will be different from his dad's no matter what, so why not give him a choice?
I've also been asked how we'll explain to Owen why Anthony's penis is different when he's older. In about three seconds Anthony responded: "Well, buddy, when I was a baby, a lot of people thought a special kind of penis surgery was the best way to keep boys safe, but by the time you were born, we learned that most little boys are fine without it."
Now maybe my husband is smart, but I don't feel like that took too much thought. (Anthony also wanted me to note that there are far more significant ways his penis does not resemble a 10-month-old's.)
Don't take my word for it. Most of the above is opinion based but perhaps made you question things. Here are some places you can go to educate yourself more about the role of the foreskin, the history of circumcision, the circumcision surgery, etc.
The below video is incredibly eye opening (warning: it's also pretty graphic) and only 30 minutes long.
Links (Warning: Some of these people are extreme. I do not blame or have negative feelings toward anyone that has made a different decision than me, I simply want other parents or people to be educated because when I opened my eyes, it changed my perspective.):
The first week of March Owen got his first two teeth. The first week of April, he started crawling. Now he's sitting up on his knees and his top two teeth are peeking through and he made it to 8 months with 5 teeth.
He's growing fast and giving his sitters (and parents) a rough time. He's so adventurous but don't take dog food out of his hands.Owen has become like a blur and makes his mother extremely nervous about how fearless he is.
I've been pumping for 6 months now and feel it is time I pass on some advice on things I have learned while nursing and working full time to help other moms... this or to help me if I decide to do this thing all over again at some point. ;)
Tools of the Trade
I breastfed because I am cheap. Breast milk is free. That being said, I would recommend you invest in: a really good electric pump, a manual pump, spare parts, a pumping bra, bottles, milk storage bags, and bottle brush.
Nursing Bra - Simple D-lite
Pump - Hygeia Enjoye (endorsed by LLL, too)
Manual Pump - Medela Harmony (this was ok)
Bottles - Avent Natural
Milk Storage Bags - Lansinoh
Breast Pads - Lansinoh
Pumping
Talk with HR before you get back from maternity leave and clear the 'when' and 'where' of pumping. It will make your first day back easier.
Have something with you to help cause a let down. My pump has a recorder so I recorded the baby crying and it works. Other women bring a toy or something that smells like their baby. Looking at pictures helps too.
Pump multiple times a day (3 or more if you can and don't skip a session). The more your remove from your breast, the more you body makes.
Always travel with spare parts. At a minimum, I recommend stocking back ups of tubes, membranes, filters, and freezer bags.
Try different size flanges if things don't feel right and remember that your nipples may need different sizes.
Plan ahead to spend ahead. I'd say you should be ready to buy another pump after 6-7 months of almost daily use and the investment can get up to $200+ depending on what you use.
Bottles
When buying bottles, look for bottles with the fewest amount of parts. The more parts your bottle has, the more time you have to spend washing them.
Your baby may not take a bottle with you around... so leave in the early weeks so someone can try feeding the baby. They will need to be patient.
Don't ever microwave breast milk. Very bad. My son takes his milk cold or room temperature now. Fancy bottle warms seem to take forever so do what you can to reduce reliance on warm milk.
Make sure whoever feeds the baby (caretakers, dad, grandparents, etc.) knows about paced bottle feeding for the breastfed baby. Babies are not good at self regulating with a bottle because it is much easier than nursing at the breast and they will over eat if you let them.
Prefill bottles to send to the sitter or day care provider. I fill 4 bottles with 3 oz each and sometimes a little more if I had it available.
Babies need 1-1.5 oz of breast milk an hour on average. You can figure out how much to leave based upon that estimate. Then leave a little back up for the caretaker's freezer if they are ok with that.
Find a good slow flow nipple bottle and stick to it! Large gulps from bottles that flow to fast cause gas and your baby will also eat more. After a few months, replace nipples with the same flow.
Support on your breastfeeding journey
Let your significant other help with bottle washing, pump washing, packing up for the next day, etc. It will make your life easier and it feels good know that they are involved in the process of feeding your baby.
Reach out to LLL Leaders if you need help or have questions. Most of these women struggled themselves and it feels good to help other moms get past the hurdles.
There are some awesome Facebook groups: Working Pumping Moms, Working Moms Who Make Breastfeeding Work, etc. Join the conversation and look at their files section for links, tips, and tricks.
If you have any other questions about nursing and working full time, don't hesitate to reach out. Thanks!
It can be painful to be a parent. Owen has his two bottom teeth and occasionally when nursing will take bite on accident. Oops. He doesn't know what hew us doing but man does it hurt and basic human reaction is to get upset and make the hurt stop. So you stop nursing and baby cries and you get frustrated because you hurt and the baby that bit you is hungry and confused... It is a mess. It is a pain.
Bedsharing with your sweet child is wonderful but when he wakes up before you on a Saturday morning that is your one day to get some extra sleep, you try to ignore his rousing in hopes that he falls back asleep only to have him roll over and stick his fingers up your nose and kick his dad in the balls from which he came. Parenting again hurts.
Or maybe he learns that hitting your chest produces a faster letdown and adopts that as the new way to eat. Or maybe he thinks your grimace is funny when he pinches your neck or pulls your hair. Or maybe he wants to sewer just how loud he can scream while stuck in traffic in the backseat of your car. Our I guess you could even consider birth as painful although there is a transcendence in it that you can't explain where pain is exclaimed for love, anticipation, and excitement.
Stopping before reacting is good. Physical pain is difficult but the emotional pain is much greater. Watching your baby get hurt for the first time, never getting to take your baby home from the hospital, or learn that he has a birth defect and you can't fix it are examples of some other early pains. So as much physical pain as my son causes me, I'm grateful for him.
My son is young and no matter what pain he puts me through now, I promise myself to live in the moment because time is flying by too quickly and the pains to come may be greater. Today I spoke with women; one who had to send her son to rehab and another woman who had to kick her son out of the house where he'd be homeless and another who never even got to meet her son. These all seem traffic yet there is not much sadness in these women because that were able to know love and joy. Without their painful experiences, they'd never feel truly happy. So tonight, I am thankful for the pain although I gape he stops biting and goes to bed.
Oh what a month March has been and it started with Owen getting not one tooth but two! He's growing so fast. Doing this crazy inch worm thing on the floor... on his way to crawling. Sitting up on his own. Talking... babbling muh muh. Signing for milk... or just mom. Eating solids... butternut squash, green beans, avocado, and banana. Blowing raspberries...in the air and on people. Hitting people for good. Trying to drink from mom's water cup. Pinching dad's neck and laughing at his jokes.
I just can't believe how fast he is growing and changing. How mobile and active he is and the personality that he is getting. Owen is shy with new people but loud with familiar faces. He wants all the attention. He has nightmares. He prefers playing with an empty hot tamales box to expensive rattles and such.
Owen likes...
Dogs
Dad and Mom
Feeding himself
Splashing in the bathtub
Nursing
Sports
Being outdoors Music
Owen dislikes...
Naps
Avocados
Sitting still
Traffic
Diaper changes
Teething
Being a mom is hard.
Being a dad is hard.
Being a parent is tough.
I started this post because we forgot to put the milk away overnight and it spoiled... 10 oz of liquid gold.
Struggling with post partum depression is downright awful. A flex of emotions and hormones that you can't control while trying to find a new normal is what you face with ppd. I hate not having control and not being able to shake this feeling.
I'm struggling with it and it is a dark and lonely place that no one seems to understand. It is the first time in my life, I have hated feminism. I feel that I was lied to about being able to have it all because that feels impossible. I feel like as a wife, mother, friend, employee, and active member of my church that I am doing none of these things well at all or barely keeping my head above water. I'm stretched so far, I can't enjoy all the awesome things in my life. My house is a mess. I'm constantly late for something. I haven't been on a date in 3 months and don't even get me started about sex... when we do have time, I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant again that I can't even enjoy it. I weigh more now than when I was pregnant because I'm eating through the depression. I constantly struggle with making enough milk. I know it would be better for my health and family if I worked less but I don't want to because I love my job. I don't enjoy going to church any more because a loud infant and turning to nurse, keep him quiet, etc. seems to scare the spirit away. Friends? Who has time?
I love Owen. My son is my world and his father is too. There are so many incredible accomplishments in my life that I can look at and know I am blessed that I have felt guilty for being depressed. I wanted to be a mom so bad and after struggling for 3 years with infertility can't seem to understand why I can't just be happy with the joy I am finally blessed with. Why can't I accept happiness?
Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One
- My family is healthy
- We own our home
- Anthony and I paid off our debt
- I have a great job that I love
- Owen has been exclusively breastfed for 6 months
- I was able to deliver Owen naturally at home
Each day is a new opportunity to establish my new identity and new normal. I am Anthony's wife, Owen's mom, and Autoline's employee but before all of that, I am Danielle.
