Intactivist Party of 1

(Note: I had a small editorial role. -Anthony)

Well, it appears that I'm in the minority among some of my friends, family, and the U.S. as a whole.  I may be close to alone. But Anthony and I stand together for Owen, because we want him to have choices and all the options available to him that life has to offer. That is why I am an Intactivist.

What is an Intactivist? An Intactivist is a supporter of a man's right to choose what is done with his penis in regards to circumcision and the foreskin.

I originally thought I would have a circumcised son because it was what I'd always known. Anthony, though, had heard vague but upsetting things and was hesitant, prompting me to educate myself. I am so glad I did, because I know I would have regrets today had I made a decision to have my son's genitals altered without his consent. It is not my choice or my body, and I don't want to harm my baby.
 

Here are some questions I have for people that support circumcision.
 

1. How can anyone be pro-choice and not be an Intactivist?
If you believe that a woman has the right to choose what is done with her body in regards to procreation or lack there of, can you not respect or demand the same for men. Female genital mutilation, or female circumcision, was just recently outlawed in Nigeria. Female circumcision in many areas of the world includes the removal of the clitoris or any external female genitals, which is equivalent to the foreskin.
 

2. Are we not born perfect?

Birth is an incredible experience (just see Owen's)! After something so incredibly miraculous, how could you hand over your perfect baby to be physically altered a few hours later?

This reminds me of a funny story, and you are reading my blog so I'm going to share it. I was in a very large formal wedding in St. Louis, MO when I was five years old.  Before the wedding, my grandma took me to get my hair done at a fancy salon while my brother was being circumcised for the 2nd time (because the foreskin grew back). When the ladies at the salon asked me about where my brother was, I responded sharply, "He's having his penis cut off right now."

My grandma was mortified and embarrassed, going on to explain to all the women about his circumcision, but I guess even then I sort of understood things, although it took research and a heart-to-heart with my partner to wrap my head around leaving our son intact. We are born perfect. Period.

 

 

3. Are we really so lazy or timid that we'll cut off parts of our children instead of teaching them healthy habits?

The American Academy of Pediatrics says that routine circumcision is not universally endorsed, but it is beneficial in reducing the spread of STDs, HIV/AIDs, etc. A foreskin does not lead to more disease or a greater spread of disease, unprotected sex and sex in a non-monogamous relationship lead to increased likelihood of the spread of STDs, HIV/AIDs, etc. The foreskin makes the penis more sensitive than a circumcised penis, so intact men are more likely to wear condoms than circumcised men, because intact men have better stimulation and an easier time reaching climax with a condom on. Bottom line: responsible sexual habits (here's hoping for abstinence!) prevent STDs, not circumcision.

Intact penises should be washed with water and treated like a finger (no retraction necessary) and when a baby becomes a man (teenage years), the foreskin will naturally retract so that the glans can be washed. Water only, no soap. That simple.
 

4. What aesthetics do genitals need?

It is odd to me how many people bring up looks when it comes to the foreskin. How bizarre that we have a notion or idea of how the penis should look, yet this area is considered 'privates.' I want my son to enjoy sex, being in a locker room, etc., but if someone else is commenting on the appearance of his genitals, then I have to wonder what is wrong with that person.

5. Why does a son's penis have to match his father's?
Someone told me, "your son's penis should match his dad's." WHAT? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard but believe it or not, I originally thought the same thing. I thought, I would hate for my son to feel like he looked different, but he is different. His life and experiences will be different from his dad's no matter what, so why not give him a choice?

I've also been asked how we'll explain to Owen why Anthony's penis is different when he's older. In about three seconds Anthony responded: "Well, buddy, when I was a baby, a lot of people thought a special kind of penis surgery was the best way to keep boys safe, but by the time you were born, we learned that most little boys are fine without it."

Now maybe my husband is smart, but I don't feel like that took too much thought. (Anthony also wanted me to note that there are far more significant ways his penis does not resemble a 10-month-old's.)

Don't take my word for it. Most of the above is opinion based but perhaps made you question things. Here are some places you can go to educate yourself more about the role of the foreskin, the history of circumcision, the circumcision surgery, etc.

The below video is incredibly eye opening (warning: it's also pretty graphic) and only 30 minutes long.

Links (Warning: Some of these people are extreme. I do not blame or have negative feelings toward anyone that has made a different decision than me, I simply want other parents or people to be educated because when I opened my eyes, it changed my perspective.):

Not Just Skin

Intact America

Mothers Against Circumcision

No Circ

Doctors Opposing Circumcision

No Harmm

Crawling Stage

The first week of March Owen got his first two teeth. The first week of April,  he started crawling. Now he's sitting up on his knees and his top two teeth are peeking through and he made it to 8 months with 5 teeth.

He's growing fast and giving his sitters (and parents) a rough time. He's so adventurous but don't take dog food out of his hands.Owen has become like a blur and makes his mother extremely nervous about how fearless he is.  

Likes

Water and baths

Eating political ads

Laughing at work outs,  yawns,  and peekaboo

Crawling

Stroller rides or being worn

Animals

Puffs,  bananas,  apples, avocados,  etc. 

Trying to drink independently from a cup

Being outside

Men

Attention

Other kids your age and older

Dislikes

Being put in his pack and play

Having floor treasures he's found taken away

One o'clock church

Diaper changes

Mom or dad leaving

Lemons

Sleeping alone

Sitting still

Pro Con Baby: A Look Back

A close male coworker friend of mine confided in me that he and his wife were 'starting to kind of think about maybe having a baby.' This is great! They'd make wonderful parents and I told him not to think to hard about it. If anyone logically thought about it, they wouldn't do it. It is a sacrifice. Loads of work but also incredible joy.

It is funny of me to say not to over think something as it is my nature to do just that but until you are a parent, you don't understand it. It looks hard but fun at times. Seems life changing but difficult to gauge how much. Etc. So I thought I'd share on here how we made the decision 3+ years ago to become parents.