Spoiled milk

Being a mom is hard.
Being a dad is hard.
Being a parent is tough.

I started this post because we forgot to put the milk away overnight and it spoiled... 10 oz of liquid gold.

Struggling with post partum depression is downright awful. A flex of emotions and hormones that you can't control while trying to find a new normal is what you face with ppd. I hate not having control and not being able to shake this feeling.

I'm struggling with it and it is a dark and lonely place that no one seems to understand. It is the first time in my life, I have hated feminism. I feel that I was lied to about being able to have it all because that feels impossible. I feel like as a wife, mother, friend, employee, and active member of my church that I am doing none of these things well at all or barely keeping my head above water. I'm stretched so far, I can't enjoy all the awesome things in my life. My house is a mess. I'm constantly late for something. I haven't been on a date in 3 months and don't even get me started about sex... when we do have time, I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant again that I can't even enjoy it. I weigh more now than when I was pregnant because I'm eating through the depression. I constantly struggle with making enough milk. I know it would be better for my health and family if I worked less but I don't want to because I love my job. I don't enjoy going to church any more because a loud infant and turning to nurse, keep him quiet, etc. seems to scare the spirit away. Friends? Who has time?

I love Owen. My son is my world and his father is too. There are so many incredible accomplishments in my life that I can look at and know I am blessed that I have felt guilty for being depressed. I wanted to be a mom so bad and after struggling for 3 years with infertility can't seem to understand why I can't just be happy with the joy I am finally blessed with. Why can't I accept happiness?

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One
- My family is  healthy
- We own our home
- Anthony and I paid off our debt
- I have a great job that I love
- Owen has been exclusively breastfed for 6 months
- I was able to deliver Owen naturally at home

Each day is a new opportunity to establish my new identity and new normal. I am Anthony's wife, Owen's mom, and Autoline's employee but before all of that, I am Danielle.

Pro Con Baby: A Look Back

A close male coworker friend of mine confided in me that he and his wife were 'starting to kind of think about maybe having a baby.' This is great! They'd make wonderful parents and I told him not to think to hard about it. If anyone logically thought about it, they wouldn't do it. It is a sacrifice. Loads of work but also incredible joy.

It is funny of me to say not to over think something as it is my nature to do just that but until you are a parent, you don't understand it. It looks hard but fun at times. Seems life changing but difficult to gauge how much. Etc. So I thought I'd share on here how we made the decision 3+ years ago to become parents.

5 Month Old

We reached another month milestone yesterday with Owen reaching five months old. I've also been told that he is going through some of his biggest growth spurts and mental leaps of his little life right now which doesn't surprise me.

Owen Likes:
Toys that make noise
Football AND Basketball on tv
Men with beards
Squealing
Little girls and boys
Eating
Playing with random objects vs toys (I.e. wipes package, paper roll, etc.)
Flying like superman in the air
Being worn in a carrier or ring sling
Baths and showers
Fish tanks
Music (all kinds)

Owen Dislikes:
Teething
When you won't let him stick your fingers in his mouth
Dad's sneezes
Naps on the weekend
Changing clothes or diapers

Owen is now passing toys between his hands and reaching for things when you are holding him. For example, at this month's relief society activity, Owen stuck his hand right in the middle of my plate in the hummus. He didn't try to eat it though.

We've decided to wait until six months to introduce solids into his diet. His first meal will be avocados. We're planning on doing homemade purees mixed with baby led weaning.

Teething is a mess. Quite literally as he constantly has drool running down his chin. I can see white under his gums on the bottom and nursing has become a lIttle uncomfortable. He wears the Amber teething necklace which really seems to help and I just made him some chamomile tea soaked wash cloths that are in the freezer now. He gets some hylands teething tablets every now and then when things get really bad.

This little guy can almost situp on his own but isn't there just yet. He loves dancing along with music. Also when he is on his stomach, he'll stretch out his legs and put his butt in the air on his tippy toes.

This past month's visitors:
Granddaddy
Janet
Grandma Diana
Poppa Jim
Uncle Dane
Mary

Exciting news for mom and dad! Thanks to our little tax deduction, we are getting a substantial refund... enough to pay off all our debt except the house!!! Yippee! We've been working on this for about four years and have paid off just under $40k. I'm look forward to our birthday this month and hoping we can call Dave Ramsey for our debt free scream.

19 Weeks

Little big boy! 15lbs. 1 oz ava 26.25 inches tall at your 4 month doctor appointment. Petting Bruce (Thelma still won't go near you), teaching to phones and toys, babbling da da da da da, stealing hearts, laughing at your reflection, holding your hands up toward ago you want to pick you up, and getting so close to sitting up on your own. I can't believe how much and hope quickly yippy have changed. I love you so much and can't wait to keep watching you grow.

Baby's First Christmas

It was a perfect Christmas. It was just the three of us and it was heavenly. We slept in, ate a great breakfast, unwrapped presents, went to the JCA pool, and returned home for nap time and dinner. If we don't create any grand traditions for you Owen, I want you to know that the most important thing about Christmas is being with the people you love most. We love you so much.

Thumb Sucker

Owen has recently found his thumb. The relationship has become exclusive. He can now self soothe in the car and when stressed. Owen is officially a thumb sucker.

11 Weeks

This week Owen got really animated. He now laughs at peak a boo, is starting to suck his fingers, and reaches for toys when on his back and laying on the boppy.

This chub is also eating 15+ oz of milk a day when I am at work which even for a Mom with over supply is hard to keep up with.

Owen seems to be blowing bubbles now too and sucking his tongue out.

Grandma Judi, Annie, and Lee came into town to watch Owen while Anthony and I went to David's birthday party in Savannah, GA. He had a blast going out to Carrabbas and TJ Maxx. Aunt Annie even wore Owen in the Moby wrap. When Anthony and I got home after midnight, we found Owen on the couch sleeping in grandmas arms.