Parenting pains

It can be painful to be a parent. Owen has his two bottom teeth and occasionally when nursing will take bite on accident. Oops. He doesn't know what hew us doing but man does it hurt and basic human reaction is to get upset and make the hurt stop. So you stop nursing and baby cries and you get frustrated because you hurt and the baby that bit you is hungry and confused... It is a mess. It is a pain.

Bedsharing with your sweet child is wonderful but when he wakes up before you on a Saturday morning that is your one day to get some extra sleep, you try to ignore his rousing in hopes that he falls back asleep only to have him roll over and stick his fingers up your nose and kick his dad in the balls from which he came. Parenting again hurts.

Or maybe he learns that hitting your chest produces a faster letdown and adopts that as the new way to eat. Or maybe he thinks your grimace is funny when he pinches your neck or pulls your hair. Or maybe he wants to sewer just how loud he can scream while stuck in traffic in the backseat of your car. Our I guess you could even consider birth as painful although there is a transcendence in it that you can't explain where pain is exclaimed for love, anticipation, and excitement.

Stopping before reacting is good. Physical pain is difficult but the emotional pain is much greater. Watching your baby get hurt for the first time, never getting to take your baby home from the hospital, or learn that he has a birth defect and you can't fix it are examples of some other early pains. So as much physical pain as my son causes me, I'm grateful for him.

My son is young and no matter what pain he puts me through now, I promise myself to live in the moment because time is flying by too quickly and the pains to come may be greater. Today I spoke with women; one who had to send her son to rehab and another woman who had to kick her son out of the house where he'd be homeless and another who never even got to meet her son. These all seem traffic yet there is not much sadness in these women because that were able to know love and joy. Without their painful experiences, they'd never feel truly happy. So tonight, I am thankful for the pain although I gape he stops biting and goes to bed.

2 teeth in 2 weeks

Oh what a month March has been and it started with Owen getting not one tooth but two! He's growing so fast. Doing this crazy inch worm thing on the floor... on his way to crawling. Sitting up on his own. Talking... babbling muh muh. Signing for milk... or just mom. Eating solids... butternut squash, green beans, avocado, and banana. Blowing raspberries...in the air and on people. Hitting people for good. Trying to drink from mom's water cup. Pinching dad's neck and laughing at his jokes.

I just can't believe how fast he is growing and changing. How mobile and active he is and the personality that he is getting. Owen is shy with new people but loud with familiar faces. He wants all the attention. He has nightmares. He prefers playing with an empty hot tamales box to expensive rattles and such.

Owen likes...
Dogs
Dad and Mom
Feeding himself
Splashing in the bathtub
Nursing
Sports
Being outdoors
Music

Owen dislikes...
Naps
Avocados
Sitting still
Traffic
Diaper changes
Teething

Spoiled milk

Being a mom is hard.
Being a dad is hard.
Being a parent is tough.

I started this post because we forgot to put the milk away overnight and it spoiled... 10 oz of liquid gold.

Struggling with post partum depression is downright awful. A flex of emotions and hormones that you can't control while trying to find a new normal is what you face with ppd. I hate not having control and not being able to shake this feeling.

I'm struggling with it and it is a dark and lonely place that no one seems to understand. It is the first time in my life, I have hated feminism. I feel that I was lied to about being able to have it all because that feels impossible. I feel like as a wife, mother, friend, employee, and active member of my church that I am doing none of these things well at all or barely keeping my head above water. I'm stretched so far, I can't enjoy all the awesome things in my life. My house is a mess. I'm constantly late for something. I haven't been on a date in 3 months and don't even get me started about sex... when we do have time, I'm so paranoid about getting pregnant again that I can't even enjoy it. I weigh more now than when I was pregnant because I'm eating through the depression. I constantly struggle with making enough milk. I know it would be better for my health and family if I worked less but I don't want to because I love my job. I don't enjoy going to church any more because a loud infant and turning to nurse, keep him quiet, etc. seems to scare the spirit away. Friends? Who has time?

I love Owen. My son is my world and his father is too. There are so many incredible accomplishments in my life that I can look at and know I am blessed that I have felt guilty for being depressed. I wanted to be a mom so bad and after struggling for 3 years with infertility can't seem to understand why I can't just be happy with the joy I am finally blessed with. Why can't I accept happiness?

Count Your Many Blessings, Name Them One by One
- My family is  healthy
- We own our home
- Anthony and I paid off our debt
- I have a great job that I love
- Owen has been exclusively breastfed for 6 months
- I was able to deliver Owen naturally at home

Each day is a new opportunity to establish my new identity and new normal. I am Anthony's wife, Owen's mom, and Autoline's employee but before all of that, I am Danielle.